Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Less talking, more tequila
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
