Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
