i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
