he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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