Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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