I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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