Already got asked if we're dating
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
