Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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