Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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