I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
