apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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