ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Don't EVER smell your tampon
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
