just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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