I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
