I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
