Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
