The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
