i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
