I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
