The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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