your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
