He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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