Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
