she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
