Small penises have feelings too.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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