I hate your face
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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