Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
