My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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