TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
