I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
