lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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