Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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