He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
