Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
