Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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