after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
