If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
