He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
