I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
