So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
