my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You made out with two different species that night
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
