who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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