Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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