Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's rum buckets o'clock
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
