Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
