dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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