dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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