is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
