Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When are your genitals available?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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