can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
