I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
