1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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