I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
