i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
