ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
