I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
