I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize