You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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