How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
