On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
tell your sister to shave her snatch
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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