my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize