and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize