I faked an abortion last night.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
